June 08, 2009

Summer Mix Oh! Seven

Most people keep track of the seasons with the change of environment. So do I: fall brings red and orange crinkly leaves, winter brings sleet and grey skies, spring brings rain and greenery, and summer brings beating rays and blinding blues.

But I also keep track of the seasons with music. Daphne Loves Derby defined Fall 2005, the Smashing Pumpkins took their turn in Summer 2005, and Coltrane, Davis and Monk took theirs in Spring 2007. Before I had a computer that brought the ease of making playlists, I had mix CDs. I just found the summer 2007 mix hiding in a box i've just unpacked. Summer 2007 was two years ago. Two years ago! Imagine that.

This time two years ago, I was thinking about a lot of the same things I am now. At this time, I had just graduated, and was ready to leave high school and the environment I had grown up i. I was apprehensive for the uncertainty of college and for the uncertainty of a maybe long-distance relationship, but the possibilities that stretched in front of me made it hard to stay in a state of apprehension for too long.

But like now, a sudden and unhappy event occurred that removed all uncertainty and physically thrust me in one direction with no chance to even comprehend how things had changed.

But of course, it's different now. Instead of being physically removed from my happy place of sure uncertainty, I've mentally moved myself out of my place of comfort. Not entirely unwillingly, but still throwing out a punch or a kick here and there. But it's for the best.

So, this mix CD. It was in a cracked jewel case, cracked from being tossed all over in my old green civic while searching for lab coat/pen/lab manual/purse/IDcard/ etc. It reads "Summer Mix Oh! Seven." I listen to the tracks now, and the reason why I put each of these songs on the mix dances across the stage of my memory. As I listen to each song, I inwardly greet each new track as if greeting someone I love and haven't seen in a while, and in that time, has done something really great.

On the flip side of things, it puts my current opinion on these memories in perspective; current opinion is what you reach for on a daily basis, and the memories themselves are shoved way back in there, somewhere. And you forget how the memories themselves once held sway on past opinion. This is what I'm doing now.

Track 3- The Academy Is..., Bulls in Brooklyn: An old throwback to high school and driving around the flight line. I still miss it. I've been feeling pretty rootless lately, and listening to this reminds me of a time when I was once planted firmly in the ground.

Track 5- Dashboard Confessional, Dusk and Summer: Barely enough to hang on then, and barely enough to hang on now. This is one reason that hasn't changed at all. But the perspective has shifted-- letting go isn't a bad thing.

Track 14- Black Eyed Peas, Bebot: AHAHAHAHAHA. I'd almost forgotten about this song, which would have been a very sad thing indeed. I've missed the Filipino-American community a lot. Although I never felt I really fit in, I still miss the millions of "aunties" and "titas" fussing over how I don't have enough food on my plate. It reminds me of standing in front of the line of my Sunday School class, chomping on a donut and swapping Friday-night stories with my third graders:

Me: Man, I'm still stuffed from all that pancit I ate at X's christening party Friday.
Student: Did you see me break open the pinata?
Me: Yeaah man, you killed that donkey!
Student: I didn't like the pancit, but mom made me eat it.
Me: Yeah. I'm just glad they didn't have that one *chocolate dish there. My mom used to make me eat that stuff at parties all the time, before I knew what it really was. You know what it really is, right?

Those are just a few of the songs, but you get the idea. If there is any time I need to look back and remember, it's now.

Now, onward!

* chocolate = pork's blood. i'm not joking.


Do-Maura-rigatou said...

oh... my gosh
your mixes are the soundtrack to my entire high school life :(
i miss you